Can Budgeting Happen By Accident?
In the fall of 2011, I was, like Beyoncé, expecting my first child— a daughter.
Beyoncé announced her first pregnancy in August 2011 at the MTV Video Music Awards
I planned to stop working full-time after the baby was born. Even I could admit it was a good time to seek guidance about money, despite my distaste for the topic.
A couple weeks after my husband Nick got his PhD in 2011, we learned we were expecting our first child
When my husband and I met with someone for money advice, the expert reviewed our spending.
He said, “You guys are fine. You basically practice intuitive budgeting.”
I interpreted this as validation of my avoid-numbers-and-stay-uninformed approach. “Intuitive budgeting” became my official excuse not to learn more.
Me, winter 2012
Me at a baby shower for my firstborn, December 2011
Lesley and healthy baby girl! March 2012
Did I have a sophisticated financial intuition? No. Rather than a strong inner instinct, I felt uncertainty.
Observe-Track-Direct Budgeting: My Budgeting Framework
My new perspective feels SO much better than going with my gut. It's been the best approach for me— someone who once was VERY allergic to budgeting!
In practice, it was just shame-laden spending. I carried a voice in my head: “Try not to spend!”
To rely on my “intuition” meant turning to my inner feelings for answers they could never give me.
I warred with myself internally with impossible questions:
Is this too expensive?
My friends bought something like this— it’s probably fine!
But maybe it can wait.
Or should I DIY?
Well, it’s not like we’re poor! Right?
I shouldn’t feel deprived! Am I in a scarcity mindset? That would be bad.
I know we’re not poor. But maybe that’s only because I keep making frugal choices.
Maybe I should skip this purchase, to keep the family finances strong.
Or maybe they’re not strong.
If we have strong finances, why do I feel this way at the store?
Staying in the dark didn’t feel carefree. As I was pushing 40, the pain of staying the same finally exceeded the pain of changing my view of money.
Getting clear about money is more refreshingly beautiful than I could have imagined.
This is me on July 9, 2021, the summer I first became excited to learn about personal finance.
Clarity offers me the steering wheel to my life, frees me from the snare of shame, and shows me a buffet of options for spending, saving, giving, and investing.
My happy fam in the fall of 2021, just 2 months in to our new budgeting habit
Best of all, as I gain confidence, I can empower others, injecting strength and hope into their journeys.
This is a preview of a 2025 article I wrote for My Budget Coach. Click here to read the full article!
