Key Takeaways
As long as you believe one person can handle the money, you are both missing out.
Money isn't just another household chore. It's woven into every part of your shared life.
A strong marriage becomes even stronger when it's a money-strong marriage.
When my husband Nick was growing up, his family gathered around the table every evening for what he called a "four-square meal." I had never even heard that phrase until I met him.
My childhood dinners usually looked different. Some of my favorite memories involve laughing with my family from the couch while the TV played in the background, eating a microwaved Lean Cuisine and a bowl of cereal.
During one of our premarital counseling sessions, we were asked what traditions we hoped to create in our own marriage. Nick immediately said he'd like us to eat dinner together.
A Skill that Didn’t Come Naturally
I genuinely wanted to support this vision my husband valued. I set goals for myself. I learned how to prepare a handful of meals. (The step-by-step photos from Budget Bytes were the best!)
I don't regret putting in the effort. But cooking almost always felt a bit stressful and unnatural.
The Empowering Realization
Eventually, we realized something: Nick actually enjoys cooking. I don't. And that’s ok!
I genuinely enjoy fixing things around the house. Give me a can of spray foam insulation and a mysterious draft coming through the basement, and I'm surprisingly happy. Nick doesn’t feel the same.
If he gets as much satisfaction from making shrimp curry as I get from filling holes in the basement, isn't that a win for both of us?
As long as we're both happy, why not divide responsibilities according to our strengths and preferences?
Applied to meal prep and handy tasks around the house, this realization liberates us. It’s healthy for a couple to learn their strengths and preferences, then share responsibilities accordingly. After all, our spouse partners with us in life. This is one of the perks of marriage!
Delegation Has Limits
Even if one spouse usually cooks, the other still cares about the family's nutrition. They might still help decide what's for dinner or whether the kids are eating enough vegetables.
Delegation has limits. Imagine a couple having children together, then picking one spouse to handle the parenting!
Married couples assume that parenting means a team effort, yet they often don’t know how to work as a team with their money.
"My Spouse Handles All the Money Stuff"
I've talked with spouses who say, "I'm not interested in that boring money stuff. That's what my partner is for. They enjoy it, and they do a great job."
Historically, I wasn't much of a money person. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I hoped my husband would somehow keep an eye on our finances—whatever that meant.
In hindsight, that wasn't fair to either of us. As long as I believed one person could handle the money, we were both missing out.
Money Belongs to Both of You
Money isn't just another household chore. It's woven into every part of your shared life.
It affects
Where you live
Whether one of you changes careers
How much margin you have during stressful seasons
How you care for aging parents
How you support your children
How generously you can give
The dreams you pursue together
One person might enjoy managing investments. The other might stay on top of the budget. There are countless ways to divide financial responsibilities.
Money decisions shape your life. That's why, in the healthiest marriages, one spouse doesn’t claim all responsibility while the other lacks ownership.
What You're Missing
If you're one of the many loving couples who believes it's working for one spouse to handle all the finances, you’re missing out!
You might not appreciate now how you’re missing out, but as you start growing stronger with money together, you’ll see how collaborating on money deepens your connection.
Imagine dividing financial tasks between you instead of excluding one partner from all of them.
Imagine money conversations feeling easy and bringing you together.
Imagine being on the same page, making money moves as a team, and wielding money together as a tool to create a life of meaning and joy.
It would feel amazing. In fact, it does feel amazing!
It's Never Too Late
Nick and I got married on July 30, 2005.
Sixteen years later, during the summer of 2021, we slowly began learning how to understand and discuss money in a way we never had before.
After two decades together, I had never imagined that money talks could be as much fun as they are now.
With a solid foundation of love, it’s never too late to gain new skills as a couple. If you already share trust and commitment, you're not starting from scratch. You're applying strengths you already have to a new area.
A strong marriage becomes even stronger when it's a money-strong marriage.
Maybe you know your relationship could use a healthier way to talk about money. What’s the next step?
I'd love to help. Take a moment to schedule a free 30-minute call.
Read more about our journey to grow more money-strong as a couple:
