The Spending Muscle: Why Learning to Spend Well Matters More Than Spending Less
When you think about improving your finances, it’s easy to assume: “I need to spend less.”
It’s advice we’ve all heard. We just need to go without, skip the Target run, stay home, stop shopping.
But the truth is: spending less isn’t always the answer.
Why? In part, because spending is unavoidable. You have bills, needs, and desires that require it.
Spending isn’t a necessary evil. It’s a skill you must develop in order to grow strong with money.
Financial success isn’t just learning how to spend less. It’s learning how to spend well. The more you practice spending well, the healthier you grow financially.
Why “Spend Less” Isn’t Enough
On the surface, “spend less” sounds like good advice. And sometimes it is. But if you rely on it as your only strategy, you run into problems:
Restrictive mindset. Constantly telling yourself “no” gets tiresome. Negative messages flood your mind by default. This leaves a residue of shame and negativity on your financial thought processes.
Demands of real life. You can’t avoid spending altogether. Groceries, housing, and transportation aren’t optional. A “spend less” mindset fosters tension and resentment about your purchases, rather than gratitude and appreciation for how they meet your needs.
Lack of direction. Cutting costs without a plan doesn’t guarantee progress. You could choose not to spend $1,000 a month– only to let it sit aimlessly in your checking account. Avoiding spending is too narrow a plan for your money.
In other words, “spend less” is too simplistic. It ignores the fact that spending is a daily part of life. It’s an inadequate substitute for a proactive financial plan.
The Spending Muscle
Here’s a better way to think about it: spending is a muscle. Like any muscle, it can be weak, untrained, or out of shape. But it can also be strengthened through practice.
Spending well doesn’t mean never spending; it means spending with intention. The more you practice, the stronger your spending muscle becomes.
For some, learning to spend well means learning to spend less. But for others, spending well means spending more.
Picture two people who limit their spending. But they do it with two different mindsets.
One says, “My goal is to spend frugally, because spending less is always better than spending more.”
The other says, “My goal is to spend well, which is a skill I practice differently depending on the circumstances.”
In a low-income season of life, spending well does require frugality. But what happens if their wealth and income grow?
The one who internalized “spend less” has an obsolete mantra. They continue to bias their spending toward low prices, at the expense of other factors like efficiency, quality, or joy. Their mindset fails to mature to match their growing resources.
The one who internalized “spend well” has a mantra that guides them into the future. They’re able to see when circumstances that had required frugality change. Their mindset allows them to adapt their strategy to their changing numbers.
But isn’t there something endearing about someone who grows wealth quietly, living as if they have far less?
Yes! Particularly if it’s with an informed plan and purpose.
But if someone spends far less than they have just because they’re stuck in an outdated mindset, and they lack awareness of how to handle their wealth, I find that bittersweet.
I think of it like someone who sells a one-acre property to purchase a 10-acre property, but still only inhabits one acre. They act like the other 9 acres aren’t there.
Is that commendable? With more vision, awareness, and confidence, those 9 extra acres can become fertile ground for creating more joy, love, and meaning in the world.
There’s no virtue in allowing your spending muscle to atrophy.
What It Means to Spend Well
So what does “spending well” look like?
Spending aligned with values. What matters more to you than money? When do you feel most “alive”? Reduce your spending in less important areas in order to increase your spending on what matters most.
Choosing your baseline costs wisely. Housing, transportation, and food usually make up most of your expenses. Factors like a manageable payment, a fuel-efficient vehicle, or paying off a car loan make all the difference. Focus here before stressing about relatively inconsequential purchases.
Understanding tradeoffs. Every dollar spent is a dollar not saved or used elsewhere. Learn about your options for spending, saving, and investing. Spend consciously, knowing what you’re giving up.
Recognizing joy vs. regret. The more you learn to spend well, the better you can discern between a satisfying purchase and one that feels wasteful the next day.
Spending well is about intention, and alignment—not about deprivation.
How to Build Your Spending Muscle
Ready to strengthen your spending muscle? Here are five practical ways to train it:
Pause before purchasing. Can it wait a day or a month? If so, give yourself time— not to ruminate or spin your wheels, but to take actions like those listed here.
Track emotions, not just numbers. After a purchase, note how it made you feel— joy, regret, indifference? Over time, patterns emerge, and you'll learn to make purchases that feel good in the long term.
Focus on the big three. Housing, transportation, and food account for most spending. Small adjustments here make a big impact.
Give every dollar a job. Budget with awareness and intention. Assign your income to bills, savings, investing, debt, and experiences. With a thoughtful plan, you can graduate from the “always spend less” mantra.
Actions like these transform your spending from a shame-ridden necessity into a mindful skill.
A Real-Life Example
I worked with a couple who had a multi-million dollar net worth, but hadn’t updated their mindset from “try not to spend.” It was a mantra leftover from an earlier season in life.
Not only did it not fit their level of wealth, but it didn’t serve its intended purpose— to keep their spending in check. Part of them knew they had plenty, while part of them said “we can’t afford it,” and those two parts played tug-of-war.
They had been afraid “It’s ok to spend” would turn into reckless spending. And it might have, without a clear plan.
Rather than continue this way, we decided to look at their entire financial picture and create a plan worthy of their numbers.
Their plan brought clarity, teamwork, confidence, and freedom! They’ll never again feel tempted to revert to the “spend less” mindset.
The Bottom Line
Spending as little as possible isn’t the ultimate goal. It won’t get to you the level of financial health you deserve. Learn what it means not just to avoid spending, but to practice spending well.
When you treat spending like a muscle, you stop feeling deprived and start feeling empowered. You realize your money can work for you. You break free from a constant tug-of-war. You use your money to build a life that celebrates what matters most.
